12 COMMENTS :

  1. By religionhater2011 on

    lol, its almost as if….the very things you two are talking about are
    exactly what you want to express to each other…its an interesitng
    observation

  2. By tqb43 on

    I feel like a lot of these problems would be solved by dating someone for
    awhile and living together before marrying.

  3. By sid khan on

    After so much browsing, finally I have been able to get the most
    insightful comments on marital relation; your analysis of different
    situations reveals your literary background as well. just one more comment:
    if there is a gridlock situation that is, if you are fond of sight-seeing
    while your spouse does not like it, and you have also told him about your
    this interest and still he is not taking care of it, how this problem can
    be solved without spoiling relationship. Please keep benefiting us!

  4. By Roger Reece on

    It is very important that the two of you establish a dialogue practice. It
    works like this. If you, for example, have a problem like the one you
    mentioned that you want to discuss with your partner, you request a
    dialogue. The rules of dialogue are that the requester shares his/her
    feelings about the problem, and the partner listens without interruption.
    The partner may ask clarifying questions, but no interruptions. The
    requester closes with a “behavior change request.” (see next post)

  5. By Roger Reece on

    (Continuation of previous post): After the requester has fully expressed
    feelings and the request, the partner shares her/his response, and together
    they come up with a “behavior change agreement” that is a win-win for both
    of them. The behavior change agreement might be something simple like, “we
    agree that tomorrow afternoon we will spend 2 hours sightseeing, and during
    that time we will both give ourselves to enjoying the two hours, the sights
    and each other.” (see next post)

  6. By Roger Reece on

    (continuation of previous post): This makes it specific and limited to two
    hours, and you see if you can create a fun 2-hours that is free of
    complaining and negative attitudes. In this situation YOU refrain from
    generalizing about your partner “you never want to go sightseeing, you
    always get so negative.” Instead, you focus on one brief sightseeing
    excursion, and you both agree to make it a fun two hours. (continued next
    post)

  7. By Roger Reece on

    (continuation of previous post): Even if your partner doesn’t enjoy
    sightseeing, an agreement to enjoy one 2-hour excursion is something you
    can both make happen. If it’s successful, you have made progress. In a
    future dialogue, you can perhaps make another behavior change request. For
    example, you can ask that while traveling on future trips that the two of
    you will do a 2-hour sight seeing excursion every other day during the
    trip. This is about getting agreements on future behaviors.

  8. By Eve Reece on

    Something that works for us, as well, is that we COMPROMISE. I will
    actively listen and participate in some of his ‘fun things’ i.e., listening
    to his enthusiasm around the latest new gadget he has purchase or watch his
    favorite “action packed” guy movies .In exchange, he will watch some, not
    too girly, chick flicks with me! Also, he is not overly fond of touring,
    but loves to go to information packed seminars…so, we go a day or so
    early to the seminar so that we can ‘tour’ before a program.

  9. By Eve Reece on

    There are many ways to keep the relationship strong, while having different
    wants and needs, but all require cooperation, compromise, listening,
    respect, and honoring one another. I want to add that going on a day trip,
    a touring kind of thing, with an enthusiastic girlfriend can be a ton of
    fun! This takes the heat off of the hubby! : )

  10. By sid khan on

    Thank you very much (rrseminars) for this prompt response. I have talked to
    my spouse on this topic, and he comes up with this response that he does
    not like it and even in the past has has never done any such activity.
    Though I have tried to convince him that such out door activities
    strengthen the relationship, I have not been able to convince him and the
    last conversation (before I posted my last comments) ended with his saying
    that I need to learn to compromise. please see the next post

  11. By sid khan on

    I know that for me going out-doors (of course once a week or after every 15
    days) matters a lot as being in a foreign country where I dont have any
    relations, it is the only out-door recreation that I have got. Being a
    great nature lover, even a tree moving with the wind will make me happy. I
    dont know how to convince my spouse or may be I need to learn to compromise
    which is hard. but I think this thing is building resentment in me which I
    really want to aviod. I

  12. By sid khan on

    (continuing) How can we improve our negociation skills; how to learn to say
    things more appropriately? Any new videos:-)

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